How to Save Your Relationship With EFT
Written by Nick Ortner
There are few things more depressing than relationship troubles.
In fact, depression is just the least of it. Heartbreak is one of the deepest pains we can know in this lifetime, and it’s even worse when we’re in a failing relationship where that heartbreak comes and goes.
You just don’t know what to do or where it will end.
We all bring baggage to our love life, whether that’s from parents who had relationship trouble of their own, or past relationships we couldn’t fix. The tentacles of those issues can work their way into our current relationships and trip us up, especially when our partner is dealing with similar issues of their own.
One of the primary places these problems manifest is in our arguments; you know, the ones that never seem to end and pop up when you least expect?
They can feel horrible. They may even feel like they suck the life out of you.
You may feel like all hope is lost, but if there’s one thing I know that can help you save your relationship, it’s tapping. Here’s how…
Ending the Arguments by Tapping on Relationship Troubles
The feeling that seems to pop up most when people are trying to save a relationship is frustration. It’s an angry, resentful feeling that comes to life when you feel you’re all out of options and your relationship troubles are too much to bear.
You may think that life would be so much easier if those specific problems you and your partner have, those prickly and unique relationship troubles, were to walk out and disappear; then you wouldn’t be angry; then you wouldn’t be frustrated.
It might actually be the opposite, and here’s how you address that.
If you’re not familiar with tapping, check out this quick How to Tap video to get you started. Once you’ve done that, tune into your frustration about your relationship troubles. How do they make you feel? Confused? Physically ill? Rate how bad it all feels on a scale from 1 to 10 and then begin tapping on your karate chop point.
- Even though I feel as if all hope is lost for our relationship, I deeply love and accept myself
- Even though I feel as if there’s no solution to our relationship problems, I deeply love and accept myself
- Even though I am so angry and frustrated with [name your partner] I deeply love and accept myself
Then, move through the tapping points.
Eyebrow: This relationship is so stressful
Side of Eye: I don’t know what to do
Under Eye: I feel like I have nothing left in me
Under Nose: It never ends!
Chin Point: I love [name your partner] so much
Collar Bone: But I can’t seem to find an answer to our problems
Under Arm: I’m so frustrated
Top of Head: I’m so angry!
Take a deep breath, and return to your eyebrow point.
Eyebrow: My heart is breaking
Side of Eye: I don’t know how to make this work
Under Eye: I resent [name your partner] so much
Under Nose: They just don’t understand!
Chin Point: I don’t know how to fix this
Collar Bone: It feels like it’s finally the end
Under Arm: I feel like I am losing [name your partner]
Top of Head: I just don’t know what to do
Check in and see if you’ve calmed down any. If you haven’t, continue with the tapping routine above, speaking about any other difficult feelings that come up and tapping through them.
Once those feelings have subsided, begin again at the eyebrow point.
Eyebrow: I know that we can find an answer
Side of Eye: I know we can finally figure this out
Under Eye: Who am I kidding? This is hopeless!
Under Nose: No it’s not, but I need to be patient
Chin Point: I allow myself the space to find the way
Collar Bone: I allow [name your partner] the space to find the way
Under Arm: Our love is bigger than our anger
Top of Head: Our love is stronger than our sadness
Eyebrow: Our love is deeper than our fear
Side of Eye: Our love is more important than whatever happened in the past
Under Eye: I choose to let love lead us to the answers
Under Nose: I don’t need to let anger or sadness lead the way when difficult things arise
Chin Point: If there’s one thing that I’m sure of
Collar Bone: It’s that we both want to find a solution
Under Arm: And we both care for each other deeply
Top of Head: Our love can lead us to the answer
How do you feel?
One of the biggest and most common problems we face when we reach a stalemate with our partner is that we tend to react to our disagreement with anger, sadness or fear.
When this happens, our immediate response is to try to fix what’s making us sad or angry so that we can find our way back to the love we share. That’s where the winding, endless arguments begin.
The thing is, when we do this we’re dealing with our problem the worst way possible!
The key is to let your love lead the way, to let your love address what’s making you angry or causing you to be afraid. It’s only with your love that you can find the answers that will bring your heart peace.
You have to let your love come first.
And that’s why EFT is such a powerful way to save your relationship. Tapping allows you to quell your difficult emotions so that your love can take the primary position front and center when the so-called “battle lines” are drawn.
By using tapping to clear out the bad stuff, love can lead the way and your relationship doesn’t have to be a war anymore.
When we do this, a magical thing happens: not only are our disagreements far less confrontational and aggravating than they used to be, they actually pull us even closer.
Tapping is an extraordinary tool when it comes to mending relationship troubles. It truly works miracles. You and your partner are so deserving of one, so don’t hesitate to use its magic on your love life today!
Have you found yourself having the same arguments with your partner time and time again? Have you figured out a way to avoid them, or have you just given up? Let us know below.
I have a feeling this could prove very helpful to many out there. Surely every partner can resonate with one or two of these feelings. Thank you. And, thank you so very much for providing a non-Facebook method of commenting. The assumption that we are all on Facebook is annoying to those of us that are not part of it. Way to go.
I have a very strange relationship where the male never makes contact and I assume it is intense fear of losing another person he loves (he lost one by death). However, he monitors everything I do and gets upset if I don’t respond to his cyber connection. I feel very angry that he can’t find the courage to be with me yet has a hold on me. We have experienced some AMAZING mental (telepathic) connections and feel each other’s moods…more earlier. If he is around my energy gets sucked out of me…especially if he is in a down mood. The problem is, we both suffer PTSD from accidents and loss, so both have down times. It is not easy for me to know what he wants without proper communication. I have not had this problem with other guys in past, as we always used telephones and met up. I feel he expects me to automatically understand him simply because we have had some mental connections…but I am only human after all. He really needs to tap I feel, but he needs to tap on his fear and get rid of it…before we both lose it.
I am in my 45th year of marriage and have wanted to leave it for years simply because of the lack of communication.
whenever I express my displeasure in a tactful manner he reacts strongly and accuses me of being the one at fault. He thinks he is right and all the problems are mine or in my head. I simply do not enjoy his company and avoid him as much as I can. For a long time I have been making another life for myself with lots of interests that don’t include him.
I’m so glad I went to the end of the email and saw this. What a helpful,down-to-earth article. I know when I argue with my partner I can’t even think of words to tap on as my head goes in a spin and my adrenalin is rushing and I can’t think straight and can feel momentarily paralysed. I can flip between feeling a lot of energy & wanting to do something immediately to make things better to feeling a bit hopeless like nothing is going to work.
I find these tapping suggestions really helpful and to the point.
One point that really struck a chord in me (and I think this is where I often go wrong)is that in a argument with our loved one our immediate response if often to try to fix what’s making us sad or angry. A better way can be to let love lead the way and tapping can help with the negative emotions that can be in the way at that point.
What do you do when the disappointments, let downs, frustration, anger, resentment has eaten away your love for your spouse?
I tried this tapping script and only felt the pain. It is so hard to find any love, especially the kind a wife should feel for her husband.
I’ve lost that ” loving feeling” and I’m not sure how, or if, I can get it back yet it is so hard to let go of 23 years together. Any advice would be much appreciated as I feel so lost, depressed and alone.
Thanks
hi cindy not sure if you will get this but i too am in a 34year marriage i feel i have lost the love for my hubby.
many times i tried to tap but feel so angry i just feel sad to think i allowed him to control me and chip away at me, i now feel sorry for him not love. i do not feel strong enough to leave him so stay he does not speak or make much conversation at all, i feel so alone and low, if you read this or any one does and cad help in any way would really appreciate it.
kind regards
If you see this Could you please reply to my above comment vitrectomy to my email as I am closing down this page and won’t come back to see any answer you may give.
Thank you
thank you Nick for this mail about tapping when tere is a problem in the rlationship,As you will see on my website i do also healing work and that is wy it is so important to understand what is behind all off this because that is my gift i want to give to this world to let people know that you have to understand yourself first!So this morning i had an conflict with my partner at braekfast and to make a long story short is that this conflict bring up a sertain feeling from the past and because of that feeling i react at that moment the way i did so i take quite time to see the deeper meaning behind this and i took a card from the Acendent Master El Morya he stands for the first ray Divine will and this card say’s jou can influence your feelings jou can be said jou can think about sertain feelings and sertain feelings out of certain times that you experiansd come to you jou can guide them or you can let them come in or you can let them floting away and that you can direct so verry graitfull for this anwser i know the deeper meaning behind this conflict and i want to chere this with you after that i read your mail about trubbles in the relationship and did the tapping and it felt like tere was no anger becouse understanding the situation that cleard out all off this but dispite all that i did your tapping and thank you for sending this to me. because for the work that i do with Solaré i find it important to understand and heal your own life so i aim able to do even better healing work thanks for sharing hope to meet one day and olso thanks for sharing this video with louise Hay i love her work and know it sinds long time by Nick
There are a few scripts to our arguments. The first that comes to mind starts with “you always…” I am not so predictable that I always do anything the same way every time, so this intro gets under my skin no matter where it’s headed.
This a good reminder that we’re both sleep deprived and don’t have much left over for each other at the end of the day and these repetitive arguments are one of the results. (2 little kids and the baby doesn’t sleep well).
This, too, shall pass. I get resentful sometimes when I forgive because I feel like I’m always the one taking the brunt, but when I have time to tap and cool off, I realize that it’s either that or leave – which isn’t really an option.
Thanks again for the help and the reminder.
Hi, I thank you deeply for posting this helpful tapping solution , I am doing to feel better, my spouse just told me that he does not love anymore, he just feels emphaty for me because I am the mother of his children. I know I drove him away with my selfish attitudes but I love him deeply. I am hoping the best for both of us and I am all I can to feel better, I am heartbroken. Do you think I should let him go? He has an affair right know.
Thanks have a lovely day!
xoso@live.com
I think this article is just great, tapping is making my life a lot more easier, and I have also been tapping in communication problems with my husband, we really have no other problem, we get along pretty well, but sometimes we have a little trouble
with communication. Tapping has helped a lot, he is also participating with me doing some tapping,
thank you,
Cristina
It’s finally over, she’s gone and theres nothing I can do, I have to let her go, wish I could have tapped to save our relationship, hope the best for her.
Hi Nick, thanks for another great article which I am sure will help countless couples ease through their difficult times. I just wanted to share that I used Tapping and letting love lead the way to end my 18yr relationship in a nurturing and amicable way, much to my surprise. When I finally really listened to my inner voice, I realised it was me I had neglected all these years and that many of our relationship issues stemmed from this, despite us trying to save ‘us’ many times with little success. It was the biggest, scariest and saddest decision I ever made but I cannot begin to express how liberating it feels to be free from that draining, wrenching, knotted up feeling of daily heartbreak. Tapping helped me through at every step of the way and truly eased some of the terrifying emotions that surfaced. I am so proud that the separation was conducted with care and respect and just want to let others know that letting the love lead may result in an outcome you didn’t quite expect but will always lead you to the right one for you. With love x
I think a combination of tapping, and the ideas of Mort Fertel, for creating more love in ones life… both things work together rather well.
Several of the women who commented above sound like they are in abusive relationships. If someone is hurting you, it doesn’t matter how much you love them, you need to protect yourself, and get into a healthier place. It’s much better to be alone, than to be with someone who treats you poorly. I was treated poorly for years, I wish I had left sooner, as the person I was with had / still has serious issues. If the one you are with won’t seriously look into his issues and heal, you are much better off respecting yourself, and moving on to a peaceful situation.
I think tapping is the best blog to visit, for any kind of pr problems you have in your life.
Tapping has changed my morals including the way i think.
First of all, allow to begin by giving thanks to whomever set up the structure of this page, to allow for comments from those of us that don’t participate in social networking sites, such as facebook. Secondly, thank you for these insightful words and guidance. It’s difficult to approach energies that you love,but dont resonate in life, with the same sensitivity, and receptivity. I have been able to access perspective, with this practice.
please excuse my errors, its been a long day…
“How to Save Your Relationship With EFT”…..this really works!!
Suzanne Benoit · Répartition at Cable Axion
Well I really love the comment from Carmel because this is exactly my relationshp with my partner. We have been together for 24 years and he had a stroke rigt at the beginning and I stayed… his boy came to live wih us and I raised him with the Best of me, his mother came to live with us for 8 years and I welcomed her in my house…. for the past 4 years, he has MS and he is in a wheel-chair and I chose to stay and this year, he just came out of 39 treatments of radiotherapy to treat his cancer..and I am still here! Is it masochism from my part? So many times, I wanted to leave but I did not want to lose everything I have..so I stay and make the best of it. I wish I could make a life on the side like you but he is very possessive because he knows I am tired. I just received the Platinum program and intend to make EFT part of my life everywhere and in every situation , throughout the day! It has already helped me….”I have the power to achieve my dreams! Thank you to Nick and Jessica (and if Carmel sees this post, write to me on originalcandle@gmail.com, I would be interested in finding some tips from you.)..Suzanne.
just tapped on my relationship with my sister-in-law, whom i have felt very overwhelmed by and angry at, most of the times i have been in the same room as her, for all the years that i’ve known her ..
i tapped while looking at your script, and changed almost every word of it according to my actual changing feelings – but reading it got me going – by reading what YOU were suggesting, i knew exactly what was there for ME to say ..
for a long time i just kept repeating what i had never allowed myself to put into words before – not even in my mind [ because i felt it was wrong, unfair and undignifyed .. ] i hate her i hate her i just hate being around her ..
having allowed myself to say that out loud – crying with rage the whole time while saying that – all the REAL reasons for my anger surfaced – and i could slowly see more clearly ..
and eventually i also saw that there actually IS a way to take care of myself – as well as being respectful to her - and i couldn’t see that – thought there could be NO solution to this situation between us ..
but i saw that by speaking the FEELING that are coming up in ME, in the actual situation or moment, instead of telling HER that what SHE ‘IS’ doing wrong – i can speak my needs and wants at any time, without making her wrong for being her ..
couldn’t see that before – just couldn’t stand being around her - and couldn’t see any way of dealing with my discomfort, other than silently trying to avoid her – and ignore her when i couldn’t ..
THANK YOU for your script that got me started tapping really EFFICIENTLY on this ‘stuck’ feeling in me in my relationship with her .. light at the end of the tunnel – curious to see what that could bring .. a newfound posibility of taking responsibility for myself around her for sure ..
THANK YOU ..
I tap, he doesn’t. We are caught up in arguments over the same things again and agin. It appears that there are not any solutions. I will admit though that tapping calms me. I dare say that it nearly quelled the headache from the latest argument. Thank you
Ps…I bought your book!
Suzanne is so very right. Thanks for providing space for commenting here, avoiding FB. FB could be so annoying. This is far to serious to use FB for this.
Our heartfelt pain comes from the loss of our beloved son, who is very much alive and has chosen to ‘live my life without my parents.” There were no arguments to tap away….there was no chance to speak to him….we were just abandoned and replaced by his in-laws whom he adores. This was the son that the sun revolved around. This was the son who received a degree that cost us 100k. This was the son who married a woman we did not know existed and excluded us from the festivities. How do you tap away this kind of emotional trauma? There are no support groups, but Goggling ‘Parents of adult estranged children” brings up thousands of links to sad stories of wonderful parentts that ended up with children who appear to hate their parents. The loneliness is unbearable. And we search for young friends to fill the gap and have been taken by many of them…..and while we are together, we have each other…but one of us will be left alone with no one.
Dear Cindy,you are right.When I so your words,it sounds the same for me.
“What do you do when the disappointments, let downs, frustration, anger, resentment has eaten away your love for your spouse?
I tried this tapping script and only felt the pain. It is so hard to find any love, especially the kind a wife should feel for her husband.”We were 11 years together and when I saw that it is to hard for me and I don’t feel happy-I left the flat and I live now alone. But I will do this Tapping do help me to let it go this feeling,to stay may be in normal connection with my husband,to make forward steps to have normal partnership in the future. I don’t want to keep this fear,this memories more.
Constantly tapping regarding relationships feels a waste of time at the moment. I have tried saying them two or three times. When we do have an argument and don’t speak for a while it always seems to be me who has to make the first move and does so annoy me, but doesn’t seem to effect him the same way and always thinks he is right even though sometimes I know I am right, anyway I will continue with the tapping and no doubt I am sure I will get a response which will help me realize tapping does work. One thing which does cause arguments is I live in the past, I am always bringing points up which happened years ago and we have been married 46 years. I need to look to the future and today as I keep being reminded.. I will keep trying, thanks for the help and suggestions as I never know what to say.
What if you are dealing with a partner who has a personality disorder bordering on mental illness and you cannot make any headway with love or non-violent communication…. sucked into the narcissist’s web? What would be the best use of tapping in this situation? Thanks.
I really enjoyed the article and certainly want to help my situation, but firstly if my husband saw me tapping he’d think i’d gone mad so it’s a shame that he couldn’t benefit from tapping too, but maybe he doesn’t see or feel the sadness that our relationship has come to after 48 years. I’m already tapping and will continue as I find it extremely beneficial
Loving these inspiring stories of successful tapping…
I’m pretty new to it myself… after reading and loving Jessica’s ‘weight loss & body confidence’ book, i started on my amazing tapping journey.
not every day is easy, and im beginning to accept that.. i have to say that tapping is the best tool i have come across to reduce stress. it’s quite remarkable..
i can’t believe ive only just come across it.. and i’m so glad i did. it’s opening many doors and experiences.
i’m sticking with tapping.. it feels right to me 🙂