Using EFT to Survive Your Family
Written by Jaqui Crooks
Surviving your family is what people have been trying to do for thousands of years and sometimes it feels harder than dealing with your enemies. Sometimes it feels like you are dealing with your enemies! And the way your family is with you is just the result of old strategies, created years ago.
Coping Strategies for Family Survival
Over the years I’ve come to understand that we’re carrying the sum total of the coping strategies of the generations before us right back to the dawn of mankind. Milton Erickson said, “All problems were once solutions.” It’s very likely that the problems that we are dealing with now were once solutions to an ancestor of ours.
Essentially all of our problems link back to safety and survival, although they may show themselves in many different ways. Depending upon the area of the world that your family came from, there will also be a whole lot of coping strategies for survival that people are carrying.
If you come from Eastern Europe where there has been endless war, people attacking and being attacked, invading and being invaded, there will be people expressing victimhood and people expressing aggression.
Someone whose family comes from the UK, where our last major invasion was in 1066, will have different strategies to someone from mainland Europe.
In the UK, with our feudal system, it didn’t pay to stand out. You’d get into trouble. We were taught for hundreds of years, to “know our place,” so saying that we’ve done something well, being seen to shine, feels very uncomfortable to us. If you praise a dress that an English woman is wearing, it’s very likely that they’ll say, “This old, thing? It’s been in the wardrobe for years,” rather than thanking you. Being noticed makes us uncomfortable!
If you come from a Jewish background, when Jews have been persecuted not for hundreds of years, but for thousands, there may be a strategy of being on the alert for the next attack.
All those strategies were created many years ago, for good reasons and we’re often still using them, without considering if they still serve us.
How To Change Family Coping Strategies Using EFT
The good news is that all your patters are, are coping strategies. When you can see what you do in your life as just that, rather than an essential part of you, it becomes much easier to change those strategies to something that supports you.
Working with clients over many years, I found that most limiting patterns in their life go back to birth, the time in the womb and sometimes even before that, (it’s no surprise that so many of believe life is a struggle, when for most of us, being born was exactly that). The beliefs we make about who we are depend on the coping strategies of our families, the way they deal with the world, and us.
I created a simple tapping solution to update the information that the subconscious is working with. It’s a way of reminding the subconscious that the things that we picked up from our mothers in the womb aren’t ours and it’s ok to let them go. And when you do, life will be very different!
Using EFT to Survive Your Family
Start at the karate chop point for your set-up phrase:
- Even though I have no idea what was happening for my mum, when the egg that became part of me was formed, I deeply and completely accept myself and maybe even her.
- Even though I have no idea what was going on with my dad when the sperm that became part of me was formed, I deeply and completely accept myself, and maybe even him.
- Even though I have no idea what was going on with them when I was conceived, but it’s likely there was a lot, I deeply and completely love and accept us all.
- Even though when I was in the womb, I was just a baby and I thought everything I felt was mine, I’m ok.
- Even though I was feeling stuff from my mum, and my dad through my mum and from their parents and their parent’s parent’s and I thought it was all mine, I’m ok.
- Even though I felt it all and thought it was mine, how could I think anything else, I was just a baby? …. I’d like my subconscious to know that it’s ok to let go of anything I picked up then that wasn’t mine, anything that’s not me.
Tapping the remainder points:
- It wasn’t mine
- It’s not me
- Instructing my subconscious that it’s ok to let it go now
- Thanking all those who passed on their stuff
- It’s got me here and that’s great
- And now it’s ok to let go of anything I picked up that wasn’t mine
- Anything that’s not me
- From that time or any other
- Releasing it now
- Easily, safely and comfortably
- Wherever it came from
- Whoever it came from
- Those things happened, they’re over, I survived
- And maybe I don’t need that old stuff any more
- Letting go of anything that’s not me, anything that’s not mine.
There’s no way to scale this tap-a-long, but the results will show when you notice differences in how you live your life. Combined with re-birthing, this tagalong gives a new starting point for your subconscious to refer to, as it makes decisions for you.
Happy tapping! 🙂
