I recently received this heartfelt message that I wanted to share with you:
“I need help with procrastination and getting stuff clean. I will tell you a small story about what’s going on right now. I just moved a few months ago and slowly stuff has made its way to filling up my new place with old stuff that I feel I can’t part with. I really want to reduce this mess but lack the motivation, can you help me with that? Thank you for listening. I hope you have a great day.” – Anne
Anne, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing this challenge. First, I want you to know that you’re not alone. The struggle with clutter, particularly after a move, is something I’ve not only seen in countless clients but have experienced myself.
That feeling of wanting desperately to create order while simultaneously feeling paralyzed by the task is incredibly common. And yet, it can feel so isolating — as if everyone else has figured out how to maintain a perfectly organized home while you’re drowning in possessions you can’t seem to part with.
Let’s dig into what’s really happening here, because it’s rarely just about “stuff.” Then we’ll explore how Tapping can help you break through this particular form of paralysis in a way that other approaches simply can’t.
The Emotional Weight of Our Physical Possessions
When Anne says “I feel I can’t part with” her belongings, she’s touching on something profound. Our relationship with our possessions is rarely just practical — it’s deeply emotional.
“Our possessions become repositories for our emotions, memories, and even our sense of safety in the world.”
Think about it: when you look at that stack of books you haven’t touched in years, you’re not just seeing paper and ink. You’re seeing aspirations (“I’ll read these someday”), memories (“This reminds me of that amazing summer”), identities (“This is who I am — a person who reads these kinds of books”), and often, security (“What if I need this information later?”).
Our possessions become repositories for our emotions, memories, and even our sense of safety in the world. No wonder letting go feels so hard! It’s not just about deciding what to keep or toss — it’s about processing complex emotions tied to these objects.
This is where the procrastination comes in. When faced with decisions that trigger emotional responses, our nervous system often defaults to avoidance. It’s not actually laziness or a lack of willpower — it’s a protective mechanism. Your brain is trying to shield you from potential emotional discomfort.
The Clutter-Stress Cycle: How Your Nervous System Gets Stuck
Here’s something fascinating about clutter that most organizing experts never mention: clutter and stress create a reinforcing cycle mediated by your nervous system.
Research from UCLA’s Center on Everyday Lives of Families found that women who described their homes as “cluttered” or filled with “unfinished projects” had higher levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) than those who described their homes as “restful” and “restorative.”
But here’s the kicker — when your cortisol levels are elevated, your brain’s executive function (including decision-making abilities) is impaired. So the more cluttered your space becomes, the more stressed you feel, and the harder it becomes to make the very decisions needed to reduce the clutter!
This is why simply trying harder or forcing yourself to “just do it” often doesn’t work. Your nervous system is stuck in a stress response that makes clear thinking and decisive action nearly impossible.
Why We Feel We “Can’t Part” With Things: The Four Attachment Types
In my work with clients struggling with clutter, I’ve observed four primary types of attachment that make letting go difficult. Understanding which one(s) are most active for you can be incredibly helpful:
- Emotional Attachment: “This was my grandmother’s vase.” The item represents a connection to someone or something you love.
- Identity Attachment: “These are my college textbooks — I’m an educated person.” The items represent who you believe yourself to be.
- Scarcity Attachment: “I might need this someday!” The fear that resources are limited and you won’t be able to replace the item if needed.
- Aspirational Attachment: “I’m going to learn to play guitar someday.” The item represents hopes for your future self.
Anne, as you look around at the possessions filling your new place, which of these attachments feels strongest for you? Understanding the emotional underpinnings of your specific clutter challenge is the first step toward addressing it.
How Tapping Addresses What Traditional Decluttering Methods Miss
Most decluttering methods focus on the practical aspects: sorting systems, questions to ask yourself about each item, or schedules for tackling different areas. While these can be helpful, they often fail to address the emotional and nervous system components that are at the heart of chronic clutter problems.
This is where Tapping shines. Tapping isn’t just a stress-reduction technique — it’s a powerful tool for nervous system regulation that helps rewire the brain’s emotional responses to specific triggers.
When you tap while focusing on your feelings about letting go of possessions, several important shifts happen:
- Your body’s stress response calms down, allowing your prefrontal cortex (decision-making center) to come back online.
- The emotional charge attached to objects begins to dissipate, making it easier to evaluate items based on their current usefulness rather than their emotional weight.
- Your brain creates new neural pathways that associate letting go with positive feelings rather than fear or loss.
- The freeze response that causes procrastination begins to thaw, allowing you to take action without the overwhelming feelings of anxiety or avoidance.
Let’s explore how to use Tapping specifically for your clutter challenge.
Tapping To Break Through Decluttering Paralysis
Let’s start with a basic Tapping sequence to address the overall feeling of being overwhelmed and stuck. Before you begin, take a moment to rate your level of distress about the clutter in your home on a scale of 0-10, with 10 being the most intense.
Tapping on the side of your hand:
“Even though I feel overwhelmed by all this stuff and can’t seem to let anything go, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
“Even though the thought of sorting through everything makes me want to avoid it completely, I accept how I feel and I’m open to the possibility of change.”
“Even though I’ve been procrastinating because this feels too big and too emotional, I honor my feelings and I choose to move forward in a way that feels safe.”
Eyebrow: “All this stuff I can’t seem to part with”
Side of the eye: “It’s overwhelming me”
Under the eye: “I don’t know where to start”
Under the nose: “So I keep procrastinating”
Under the mouth: “It feels too big to tackle”
Collarbone: “And too emotional to face”
Under the arm: “So I just live with the mess”
Top of the head: “And feel worse every day”
Eyebrow: “What if there’s a gentler way to approach this?”
Side of the eye: “What if I could release just one thing at a time?”
Under the eye: “What if my brain is just trying to protect me?”
Under the nose: “From emotions it thinks are dangerous”
Under the mouth: “But I’m safe now”
Collarbone: “I can feel my feelings without being overwhelmed”
Under the arm: “I can make decisions from a calmer place”
Top of the head: “I can take small steps forward”
Take a deep breath and check in with yourself. How does your distress level feel now? Continue tapping until you notice a reduction in intensity.
Tapping on Specific Attachment Types
Now, let’s get more specific by addressing the particular type of attachment that might be most relevant for you.
For Emotional Attachment:
Tapping on the side of the hand:
“Even though these things hold memories and letting them go feels like I’m losing the memories too, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Eyebrow: “These objects hold special memories”
Side of the eye: “I’m afraid if I let the objects go”
Under the eye: “I’ll lose the memories too”
Under the nose: “As if the memories live in the objects”
Under the mouth: “But what if the memories are actually inside me?”
Collarbone: “What if I can keep the meaning without keeping all the things?”
Under the arm: “The memories and meaning live in my heart, not in these objects”
Top of the head: “I can honor what matters without drowning in possessions”
For Scarcity Attachment:
Tapping on the side of the hand:
“Even though I’m afraid I might need these things someday and won’t be able to replace them, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Eyebrow: “What if I need this someday?”
Side of the eye: “I might not be able to replace it”
Under the eye: “It feels wasteful to let it go”
Under the nose: “This fear of not having enough”
Under the mouth: “It’s keeping me surrounded by things I don’t use”
Collarbone: “What if I actually have more than enough?”
Under the arm: “What if the real waste is living with clutter?”
Top of the head: “I can trust that I’ll have what I need when I need it”
For Identity Attachment:
Tapping on the side of the hand:
“Even though these possessions represent who I am or who I want to be, and letting them go feels like losing part of myself, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Eyebrow: “These things represent who I am”
Side of the eye: “Or who I want to be”
Under the eye: “If I let them go, who am I then?”
Under the nose: “As if my identity lives in these objects”
Under the mouth: “But I am more than my possessions”
Collarbone: “My identity comes from within, not from what I own”
Under the arm: “I can let go of things and still be me”
Top of the head: “In fact, I might discover more of who I truly am”
The “Start Small, Feel Big” Approach
One of the most powerful techniques I’ve found for breaking through clutter paralysis combines Tapping with very small, emotionally informed action steps. I call this the “Start Small, Feel Big” approach because it focuses on taking tiny actions while processing the full spectrum of emotions that arise.
“The magic of this approach is that it addresses both the practical aspect of decluttering and the emotional components that cause procrastination.”
Here’s how it works:
- Choose a very small, specific area to address — no larger than what would fit in a shoebox. This might be a single drawer, a corner of a shelf, or even just a pile of mail. The key is that it feels manageable.
- Before touching anything, tap on how you feel about this specific area. Be honest about any resistance, avoidance, or emotional attachment you notice.
- Tap until you feel calm enough to begin, then sort through the items one by one.
- When you encounter an item that gives you a strong emotional response (anxiety, guilt, etc.), pause and tap on those specific feelings before deciding whether to keep or release the item.
- Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. This isn’t just positive thinking — it’s rewiring your brain to associate decluttering with positive emotions instead of stress.
The magic of this approach is that it addresses both the practical aspect of decluttering (actually moving items out) and the emotional/nervous system components that cause procrastination and attachment.
Your Personalized Action Plan
Anne, based on what you’ve shared, here’s a step-by-step plan to help you move forward:
1. Start with the “Clutter Paralysis” Tapping Sequence
Do the general Tapping sequence I shared above at least once daily, particularly first thing in the morning and whenever you feel overwhelmed about your space.
2. Identify Your Primary Attachment Type
Look around your space and notice which items feel hardest to part with. Which of the four attachment types (emotional, identity, scarcity, or aspirational) seems most active for you? Use the specific Tapping sequence for that attachment type.
3. Create a “Start Small, Feel Big” Schedule
Commit to addressing one small area each day or every few days — whatever feels genuinely doable. Remember, consistency matters more than quantity here. Even 10 minutes of focused, emotionally-aware decluttering can create significant shifts over time.
4. Tap Before, During, and After
The key is to use Tapping throughout the process:
- Before: to calm the nervous system and prepare for action
- During: when you hit emotional blocks about specific items
- After: to reinforce the positive feelings of making progress
5. Find Your “Why” Beyond Tidiness
Connect with a deeper reason for wanting to clear your space. Is it to feel more peaceful? To make room for new experiences? To save time looking for things? Tapping while focusing on this deeper motivation can strengthen your resolve.
Tapping for “In the Moment” Motivation
Here’s a quick sequence you can use anytime you find yourself avoiding a decluttering session you’ve planned:
Tapping on the side of the hand:
“Even though I really don’t want to deal with this right now and I’d rather do anything else, I accept how I feel and I’m still open to taking one small step.”
Eyebrow: “I don’t want to do this right now”
Side of the eye: “I’d rather do anything else”
Under the eye: “This feels too hard”
Under the nose: “My brain is trying to protect me from discomfort”
Under the mouth: “But avoiding it isn’t actually helping me”
Collarbone: “What if I just committed to 5 minutes?”
Under the arm: “Just one small area, one small decision”
Top of the head: “I can do that, and then reassess”
Often, just getting started is the hardest part. This Tapping sequence helps overcome that initial resistance. Once you’ve begun, you’ll often find you want to continue beyond those first 5 minutes.
Releasing the “Perfect Home” Pressure
There’s one more aspect of clutter challenges that often goes unaddressed: the internalized pressure to have a “perfect” home. This pressure can actually increase procrastination because the gap between your current reality and your idealized vision feels so overwhelming.
Try this Tapping sequence to release that pressure:
Tapping on the side of the hand:
“Even though I feel like my home should look perfect like something out of a magazine, and I feel like I’m failing because it doesn’t, I deeply and completely accept myself and my home as we are right now.”
Eyebrow: “My home should look perfect”
Side of the eye: “Like those homes I see online”
Under the eye: “I feel like I’m failing because it doesn’t”
Under the nose: “This impossible standard”
Under the mouth: “Is making it harder to take action”
Collarbone: “But what if progress matters more than perfection?”
Under the arm: “What if a ‘good enough’ home is actually perfect for living?”
Top of the head: “I can release this pressure and take imperfect action”
The Path Forward: From Clutter to Clarity
Anne, I want to emphasize something important: this isn’t just about having a tidier home. It’s about freeing yourself from the invisible emotional weight that clutter places on your nervous system.
Research has shown that women who describe their homes as cluttered have a cortisol pattern similar to those experiencing chronic stress. This means your physical environment is literally affecting your physiological health. By addressing the clutter in your space, you’re not just creating visual order — you’re creating internal regulation as well.
“As you use Tapping to process the emotions tied to your possessions, you’ll likely find that it becomes easier to release not just physical clutter, but emotional burdens you’ve been carrying as well.”
And here’s the most beautiful part — as you use Tapping to process the emotions tied to your possessions, you’ll likely find that it becomes easier to release not just physical clutter, but emotional burdens you’ve been carrying as well. Many of my clients report that as their physical spaces clear, they experience unexpected emotional clarity too.
Remember, this journey isn’t about achieving some perfect, minimalist ideal. It’s about creating a space that truly supports who you are and who you want to become. A space that feels like a reflection of your authentic self, not a storage unit for your past or a holding area for versions of yourself that never quite materialized.
I believe in you, Anne. With each item you thoughtfully consider and each emotion you process through Tapping, you’re rebuilding your relationship not just with your possessions, but with yourself. And that’s the most valuable clearing work of all.
I’d love to hear how this approach works for you, and what insights emerge as you begin tapping on your clutter challenges. Remember, progress isn’t always linear — celebrate each small victory along the way.
Looking for more support with decluttering and procrastination?
- Find a Certified EFT Practitioner – For personalized guidance on addressing this, if you want more specific and strategic support
- The Tapping Solution App – Features specific meditations to help you address the feelings that come up around clearing clutter. We’ve created a lot of specific sessions for this topic! Here are a few meditations in the app I recommend:
- Motivate Me to Clear Clutter – this is a great way to get the ball rolling with clearing clutter!
- Clear Clutter – this is a super short Quick Tap for when you need a little boost of motivation to clear clutter!
- Clearing Clutter Effortlessly – this is what we call an “Active Transformational Meditation” which is designed to be listened to while you go about your day. There isn’t any Tapping, but there are helpful ideas and affirmations to help you feel inspired and motivated when it comes to clearing clutter.
- Clearing Overwhelm Around Clutter – this Tapping session comes from chapter 5 of my sister Jessica’s book, Create Lasting Change, which is also a great resource when it comes to clearing clutter and making meaningful changes in your life. The audiobook version of her book is available in the App too.
Note: You can access these meditations by clicking the links above using your mobile device, or type the name of the meditation into The Tapping Solution App’s search function.
Have you struggled with letting go of possessions even when you wanted to create more space? What emotions have you noticed coming up when you try to declutter? Share your experiences in the comments below!
Until next time… Keep Tapping!
Nick Ortner