Conflicting Money Stories: How to Tap Through Financial Confusion and Find Your Balance

I recently received this incredibly insightful message from someone who had an “aha” moment while listening to Carol Look’s teachings on abundance:

“Listening to Carol Look right now I was… thunderstruck.

She says you have to be specific and try to find out what exactly your emotions and beliefs around money are in order to shift them, let them go and open up to abundance.

And here’s what came up…

My belief from my childhood: Money comes easily and you can do whatever you want, because it’s never tight. Months long summer holiday, restaurants, shopping, nice cars, private schools. Never heard my parents complain about money. Just a hint at the beginning of September from my dad after checking the accounts “We’ll just have to be a little frugal in the next few weeks to compensate all we have enjoyed during summer.” And that was it.

Then my father died when I was 20 and everything changed. Yes, we had lived abundantly, but, as I later discovered, we had lived out of savings the last 2/3 years of my father’s life, because he had health issues only my mother knew about. There was practically nothing left in the bank. That’s when I started experiencing fear, financial struggle, feeling unsafe, having panic attacks. Fortunately I got a good job, my mother got back to work (she had retired just a couple of years before) and I sort of decided I was the one to watch the family finances carefully. Yet whenever we had a little extra money I felt we deserved a reward, a prize, so we would go on vacation or buy something expensive and in those moments I felt a sort of relief. I think it was something like being in abstinence and then getting a dose.

When I got married I brought all of this into my marriage. Even my husband had his own issues about finances. We really did the best we could and in all our financial ups and downs we have improved, but not as much as I’d like.

Now I’m confused… Do I let my childhood imprinted beliefs or my youth fearful but realistic beliefs go? Where am I right now? Where and how do I find balance?”

-Clara

First, I want to thank you, Clara, for sharing this deeply personal story. Your willingness to explore your conflicting money stories with such honesty and vulnerability is truly the first step toward transformation.

What struck me most about your message is how clearly it demonstrates something I’ve seen thousands of times in my work with Tapping: we don’t just have one money story — we often have competing money stories that create internal conflict and confusion.

Let’s explore what’s happening beneath the surface and how Tapping can help you find that balance you’re seeking.

The Tale of Two Money Stories

Your experience beautifully illustrates how our relationship with money is shaped by defining moments in our lives, creating what I call “imprints” on our nervous system.

You actually have two distinct financial imprints:

1. The Abundance Imprint (childhood): Money flows easily, there’s always enough, enjoying life is natural, and financial concerns are minimal and temporary.
2. The Scarcity Imprint (early adulthood): Money is scarce, financial security can disappear overnight, vigilance is necessary, and fear is appropriate.

These two imprints now exist simultaneously in your nervous system, creating a tug-of-war that manifests as confusion and that feast-or-famine pattern you described: careful monitoring of finances punctuated by splurges that feel like “getting a dose.”

Why You Can’t Just “Choose” One Belief System

Here’s where many approaches to financial mindset fall short. They suggest you should simply “choose” the more empowering beliefs and discard the limiting ones. But your brain doesn’t work that way.

If you’ve read my books, you might remember Grog and Thor? Grog was the cautious caveman (the one who survived), while Thor was peace-loving (and got eaten by a tiger). When it comes to financial security, your brain’s negativity bias (your inner Grog) will always prioritize the “realistic” scarcity beliefs because they seem safer.

Your brain learned from that traumatic experience at age 20 that:

1. Financial security can be an illusion
2. Things can change overnight
3. Being vigilant about money is necessary for survival

These lessons were literally wired into your nervous system during a highly emotional period. They can’t simply be reasoned or wished away, because they’re not just thoughts — they’re embodied patterns stored in your primitive brain and nervous system.

The Hidden Wisdom in Both Stories

Before we turn to Tapping as a solution, I want to acknowledge something important: both of your money stories contain wisdom.

Your childhood abundance story taught you:

• Life can be enjoyable and abundant
• There’s joy in experiences and sharing prosperity
• Periods of frugality can be temporary and manageable

Your early adult scarcity story taught you:

• Financial vigilance is a valuable skill
• You’re capable of stepping up in a crisis
• You can create security through your own efforts

The goal isn’t to completely erase either story, but to integrate their wisdom while releasing the emotional charge that keeps you swinging between extremes.

The Neural Pathway to Financial Peace

When you ask, “Do I let my childhood imprinted beliefs or my youth fearful but realistic beliefs go?” — you’re asking a profound question that gets to the heart of neuroplasticity.

The answer is nuanced: you don’t need to completely abandon either set of beliefs. Instead, you can:

1. Release the emotional charge from both experiences
2. Extract the wisdom from both perspectives
3. Create a new, integrated pathway that allows for both security and enjoyment

This is precisely where Tapping excels. Tapping works directly with your nervous system, sending calming signals to the amygdala (your brain’s alarm center) while you focus on emotionally charged memories and beliefs.

Tapping on Your Competing Money Stories

Let’s use a Tapping sequence specifically designed for your situation. This approach addresses both imprints and helps your nervous system integrate them into a more balanced perspective.

First, take a deep breath and rate your emotional intensity when you think about your financial confusion on a scale of 0-10.

Round 1: Acknowledging Both Stories

Round 2: Honoring the Trauma of Your Loss

Round 3: Acknowledging the Pattern

Round 4: Integration and Balance

Take a deep breath and check in with your emotional intensity again. Continue tapping if needed.

Finding Your Financial Middle Path

What you’re seeking — that “balance” you mentioned — is what we can think of as the financial middle path. It’s not about extremes of either abundant spending or fearful restriction. It’s about creating conscious choice around money.

In practical terms, this middle path might look like:

• Having clear financial boundaries and systems that create security
• WHILE also intentionally planning for pleasure, freedom, and enjoyment
• Making conscious decisions about spending rather than reactive ones
• Distinguishing between fear-based vigilance and wise stewardship
• Celebrating financial wins without the need to immediately spend the surplus

This isn’t about reaching some perfect 50/50 balance that never changes. It’s about developing the flexibility to move mindfully along the spectrum as your life circumstances require.

The Unconscious Vow That May Be Holding You Back

In your story, I noticed something that often shows up in my work with clients — what I call an “unconscious vow.” After your father died, you wrote: “I sort of decided I was the one to watch the family finances carefully.”

This decision, made during a traumatic time, may have turned into an unconscious vow that still affects you today. It’s as if a part of you decided: “I must be the vigilant one. Financial disaster will happen again if I let my guard down.”

This vow was made with the best of intentions — to protect yourself and your family. But vows made during traumatic times often become rigid and don’t adapt as our circumstances change.

You might try tapping specifically on this vow:

Practical Steps Toward Your New Money Story

Beyond Tapping, here are some practical steps that can help you create that balanced financial approach you’re seeking:

1. Create a “Security Foundation”: Define what financial security actually means to you in concrete terms (emergency fund, retirement contributions, etc.). When these fundamentals are in place, it can ease the vigilance of your scarcity story.
2. Plan for Pleasure: Deliberately budget for enjoyment rather than making it a reactive splurge. This honors your abundance story in a sustainable way.
3. Institute Regular Financial Check-ins: Whether solo or with your husband, regular reviews of your financial picture can prevent the anxiety buildup that leads to avoidance or splurging.
4. Practice Mindful Money Moments: Before making significant purchases, pause and tap to check in with your motivation. Is this coming from your abundance story, your scarcity story, or your new integrated perspective?
5. Celebrate Progress Without Spending: Find non-monetary ways to acknowledge financial wins, breaking the association between celebration and splurging.

The Deeper Healing: Processing Grief and Change

There’s another layer to your story that deserves attention. The financial shift you experienced wasn’t just about money — it was intertwined with the profound loss of your father at age 20. This trauma likely intensified the impact of the financial changes, creating a stronger imprint.

Sometimes, our money stories are actually carrying emotional energy related to other losses. Tapping on the grief, shock, and adjustments that came with losing your father might release energy that’s still tied up in your financial patterns.

You’re Already on the Path

I want to acknowledge something important: the awareness you’ve already gained is extraordinary. Many people go through their entire lives without recognizing the specific experiences that shaped their money relationship.

The fact that you can articulate these competing stories and see how they’ve created a pattern in your life shows remarkable self-awareness. This consciousness is the fertile ground where transformation begins.

Your question — “Where am I right now? Where and how do I find balance?” — is exactly the right one to be asking. You’re already on the path toward that balance.

A Final Thought: Integration, Not Elimination

As you continue this journey, remember that the goal isn’t to eliminate either story completely. Both are part of your life experience and both contain wisdom.

The goal is integration — allowing these experiences to inform a more flexible, conscious, and balanced approach to money that serves your present life, not just your past experiences.

Tapping is the perfect tool for this integration process because it works directly with your nervous system, where these patterns are stored. It allows you to process the emotional charge of past experiences while creating new neural pathways that support the financial life you want to create now.

I’d love to hear how this tapping approach works for you, and what insights emerge as you continue exploring your relationship with money. Remember, confusion is often the first step toward clarity, and the questions you’re asking are leading you in exactly the right direction.

Looking for more support with financial beliefs?

• The Tapping Solution App – We have so many guided meditations to help you with a variety of feelings that might come up around finances. Explore and see if any of the content resonates with you. Remember, even just a few minutes of tapping on the stress you may feel about finances can help you think more clearly and free up energy to make positive decisions and take positive steps forward.
  • Wealth and Abundance Category
  • Abundance Walk: Manifest Financial Success
  • I’m Stressed About Money
  • Micro Boost of Financial Stress Relief
  • Day 1 of our You Are Enough: Go Deeper Challenge is all about releasing any negative beliefs and connecting with the truth that you are enough when it comes to Financial Abundance. We recommend doing this Challenge after you’ve done our You Are Enough session.

Note: You can access these meditations by clicking the links above using your mobile device, or type the name of the meditation into The Tapping Solution App’s search function.

Have you experienced competing money stories in your own life? How have you worked to find balance between security and enjoyment? Share your experiences in the comments below — your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.

Until next time… Keep Tapping!
Nick Ortner