When Negative Messages Build Up: How Tapping Can Help You Overcome Years of “Little” Hurts

I recently received this heartfelt message from Amanda that I wanted to share with you:

“Tapping has definitely helped me overcome several limiting beliefs about myself, however there are situations where I still get completely overwhelmed and stuck in negative patterns that I can’t seem to shake. Maybe it’s because I can’t pinpoint one major event in my life that caused trauma, more like years and years of small, negative attitudes and statements from family members and classmates that slowly chipped away at my feelings of self-worth, and that can’t be repaired with tapping using generalized statements.”

Amanda, thank you for sharing this with me. Your experience touches on something I’ve seen countless times in my work—the profound impact that seemingly “small” negative experiences can have when they accumulate over time.

First, I want to acknowledge your self-awareness. The fact that you recognize how these accumulated messages have affected you shows remarkable insight. Many people never make this connection, instead assuming there’s just “something wrong with them” rather than recognizing how their nervous system has been shaped by years of subtle messaging.

I also want to celebrate the success you’ve already had with Tapping. Overcoming several limiting beliefs is a significant achievement! Now let’s explore how to address those stubborn patterns that still feel stuck.

The Power of “Little T” Trauma

What you’re describing is sometimes called “little t” trauma in the psychology world—as opposed to “Big T” Trauma that comes from major events like accidents, assaults, or natural disasters. But here’s the thing about “little t” trauma: when it’s consistent and happens during our formative years, its impact can be just as profound as a single catastrophic event.

Think of it like water dripping on a stone. One drop doesn’t do much. But thousands of drops, day after day, year after year? They carve a canyon.

Those “small, negative attitudes and statements” you mentioned weren’t small to your nervous system. Each one registered as a threat, as feedback that you weren’t okay as you were. Your brain, designed to keep you safe and help you belong, absorbed these messages and created protective patterns in response.

The Invisible Neural Playlist

One concept that might help you understand what’s happening is thinking of it like an “Invisible Neural Playlist.”

Imagine that each negative comment or attitude you experienced as a child was like a song added to a playlist in your brain. Over time, this playlist became your brain’s favorite—playing automatically whenever similar situations arise.

“You’re too sensitive.” “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” “Don’t be so dramatic.” “You’ll never be good at this.”

These weren’t just words—they were programming. And like any good DJ, your brain learned exactly when to play which track, depending on the situation.

When you find yourself overwhelmed and stuck in those negative patterns, it’s not because you’re failing—it’s because your brain is simply playing its familiar playlist. It’s what it knows.

The good news? Playlists can be edited. Songs can be removed and replaced. But first, we need to identify which specific tracks are playing.

Why General Tapping Statements May Not Be Enough

You made an important observation when you said that “generalized statements” in Tapping aren’t fully addressing these deeper issues.

When we tap using general statements like “Even though I feel not good enough, I deeply and completely accept myself,” we’re addressing something that can be valuable and provide temporary relief. In some cases, that can be enough to bring about profound change. But we sometimes need to go deeper to really get to the root.

It’s like trying to drain a lake by removing buckets of water from the surface while underground springs continue to fill it. We need to address the source.

Memory Mining: Uncovering Specific Messages

The first step is to identify some of the specific messages that formed your neural playlist. This doesn’t mean you need to remember every negative comment—just enough to start recognizing patterns.

Here’s a simple but powerful exercise:

1. Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle.
2. On the left side, write “Messages I Received About Myself”
3. On the right side, write “Who/Where These Came From”

Then just start writing what comes to mind. Don’t censor or judge—just let the memories flow. You might be surprised at how specific some of these messages are, even if you haven’t consciously thought about them in years.

Some examples might be:

• “You’re too emotional” – Mom when I would cry
• “You’re not athletic enough” – PE teacher in 4th grade
• “You talk too much” – Various classmates
• “You’ll never be organized” – Dad when looking at my room

Once you have a list of specific messages, you have something concrete to tap on. These are the actual “songs” on your neural playlist that need editing.

Tapping on Specific Messages

Let’s try a Tapping sequence focused on a specific negative message. I’ll use a common one as an example, but feel free to substitute any message from your own list.

Take a moment to rate the emotional intensity you feel when you think about this message on a scale of 0-10, with 10 being the most intense.

Take a deep breath and notice how you feel. Rate the intensity again from 0-10.

The Neural Network Approach

When working with accumulated negative messages, I find it helpful to visualize them as a neural network rather than isolated incidents. Each message connects to others, forming a web of beliefs about yourself.

For example, the message “you’re too sensitive” might connect to “you need to toughen up,” which connects to “the world is harsh,” which connects to “I need to hide my true self to be accepted.”

This is why sometimes when you tap on one specific memory or message, you suddenly find yourself thinking about others that seem unrelated—they’re connected in your neural network.

The beauty of this approach is that when you effectively tap on one node in the network, it often weakens the entire connected structure. You don’t need to address every single negative comment you’ve ever received—just the key nodes that support the limiting belief structure.

Tapping in the Moment of Overwhelm

You mentioned getting “completely overwhelmed and stuck in negative patterns.” Those moments of overwhelm are crucial opportunities for rewiring your nervous system.

When you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed, try this in-the-moment Tapping approach:

1. Start tapping immediately, even if you don’t know what to say
2. Notice what’s happening in your body – where do you feel the overwhelm physically?
3. Listen for any specific negative messages playing in your mind
4. Tap specifically on what you’re noticing

Here’s a quick sequence for those moments:

Continue tapping, focusing on the specific sensations and messages until you feel the overwhelm subsiding.

The Cumulative Impact of Positive Tapping

Just as negative messages accumulated over time to create these patterns, positive Tapping experiences accumulate to create new ones. Each time you tap on a specific negative message, you’re weakening its hold on you.

Think of it like weeding a garden. You don’t need to pull every single weed to have a beautiful garden—just enough of them, especially the ones with the deepest roots.

Over time, as you continue to tap on specific messages and moments, you’ll likely notice that:

1. You become more aware of when old messages are playing
2. The emotional charge of these messages begins to decrease
3. You recover more quickly from triggered states
4. New, more supportive automatic thoughts begin to emerge and become the new baseline.

This is your nervous system being reprogrammed, one Tapping session at a time.

Creating a Personalized Tapping Plan

Based on what you’ve shared, Amanda, here’s what I suggest:

1. Create your message list as described earlier in this post. Try to identify at least 5-10 specific negative messages you received repeatedly.
2. Rate each message on the emotional intensity scale (0-10). Start Tapping on the ones with the highest emotional charge.
3. Tap daily on one specific message for 3-5 days before moving to the next. This gives your nervous system time to process and integrate the changes.
4. Notice triggers in your daily life—what situations tend to activate these old patterns? Make note of them.
5. Tap preventatively before entering triggering situations. For example, if family gatherings tend to trigger old patterns, tap for a few minutes before the next gathering.
6. Practice in-the-moment tapping when you notice yourself getting overwhelmed, using the sequence I provided earlier. This could look like excusing yourself to use the restroom and then once you’re in a private space, you can take a minute or two to tap on what you’re feeling, and to remind yourself that you are safe and can rewrite this message.
7. Track your progress by occasionally re-rating the emotional intensity of the messages you’ve been Tapping on. Celebrate the shifts, even small ones!

The Body’s Role in Processing These Messages

It’s important to remember that emotional processing happens through the body, not just the mind. Those years of negative messages aren’t just stored as thoughts—they’re stored as physical patterns in your nervous system.

When you’re Tapping, pay special attention to physical sensations:

• Tightness in your throat
• Tension in your shoulders
• Heaviness in your chest
• Knots in your stomach
• Clenching in your jaw

These physical sensations are often where those accumulated messages live in your body. By Tapping while focusing on these sensations, you’re helping your body release what it’s been holding.

Try saying something like:
“Even though I feel this tightness in my throat whenever I think about speaking up in meetings, I accept this feeling and I’m ready to release it.”

A Final Thought: The Power of “Little by Little”

Amanda, what you’re working with—years of accumulated negative messaging—wasn’t created overnight, and it might not be resolved overnight either. But that doesn’t mean powerful transformation isn’t possible.

In fact, there’s something beautiful about the process you’re engaged in. Each time you identify and tap on a specific negative message, you’re reclaiming a piece of yourself. You’re saying, “This isn’t true about me, and I don’t have to carry it anymore.”

Little by little, message by message, your true self emerges from beneath those old, outdated programs. The you that exists beyond what others have said. The you that has always been there, waiting to be acknowledged and embraced.

Just as those negative messages accumulated slowly over time to create limiting patterns, your Tapping practice is gradually creating new, supportive patterns. Trust the process. Notice the small shifts. They add up.

I believe in your ability to transform these patterns. The fact that you’ve already overcome several limiting beliefs shows that you have everything you need to continue this journey. Keep going, one specific message at a time.

Looking for more support with addressing accumulated negative messages?

• The Tapping Solution App – Features specific meditations for releasing limiting beliefs and building self-worth. Here are a few meditations in the app I recommend:
  • Change Unhelpful Thought Patterns. This session uses concepts from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help shift your thought patterns.
  • Transform Limiting Beliefs. This session also uses concepts from CBT to help transform your beliefs.
  • You Are Enough. We have a whole category of sessions, and even a series and challenge featuring this topic.
  • 5 Day Transforming Trauma Series – This 5 part series is led by trauma expert Dr. Arielle Schwartz. It’s designed to support you as you learn to find safety in the present moment, embrace all of yourself with self-compassion, and feel empowered to heal.
  • 4 Day Inner Child Healing Series – Inner child expert Kim Murray leads this 4-day journey of connecting with, nurturing, and soothing your inner child, so you can comfort past pains, release old limiting beliefs, and bring more peace to your inner world.
  • Inner Child Healing Quick Taps – These short, deeply kind sessions are loving messages for your inner child and can help shift the messages and beliefs you carry with you about yourself and life.
  • Building Confidence Affirmations. You can always tap through the points while repeating these affirmations to help these new patterns go deeper into your system

Note: You can access these meditations by clicking the links above using your mobile device, or type the name of the meditation into The Tapping Solution App’s search function.

• Find a Certified EFT Practitioner – For personalized guidance on addressing your specific patterns.
• Join our supportive community to connect with others on similar healing journeys

Have you experienced the accumulation of “little t” traumas in your life? How have they affected you, and what has helped you overcome them? Share your experience in the comments below—you never know who might benefit from hearing your story.

Until next time… Keep Tapping!
Nick Ortner