Change doesn’t happen in a bubble.
What does that mean?
When you’re looking to improve your life in some way, as much as you’d like to think it’s all about you, it really isn’t.
It would be easier if it were. But change doesn’t happen in a bubble.
When you transform, or even when you try to, you affect the people around you, and their perspective and attitudes towards you can shift. When you show up looking different in the world, when you take better care of yourself, or try to be more positive, or do something to “improve” yourself, you affect others.
Transformation is Hard
Certainly, you can affect them in a positive way, and be a role model. However, if they’re not as loving and supportive as you’d like or want, the process is challenging.
So when you lose 20 pounds because you started eating better and exercising, your old friends might be jealous, or you might simply not be able to connect with them in the same way as before.
When you make a decision to stop gossiping or being negative, it might be hard for your fellow gossipers to handle.
And the real challenge here is that when your natural human tendency to “connect” and be accepted tries to kick in, it can be easy to go back and act the same way as before, just to fit in again!
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Misery loves company,” and that applies here. Friends and family might struggle to understand and accept the “new you”.
Tapping to a Solution
So what to do? Certainly, there are strategies to change your environment, find better support, etc., but today I want to address how to work on the emotional element of this challenge.
So let’s do some tapping on it. 🙂
We’re going to do some very general “global” tapping, meaning I’ll share phrasing and language that isn’t specific but instead can apply to a variety of situations.
As you zone in on your particular situation, go ahead and change the language and be as specific as possible.
(if you’re unfamiliar with the tapping process, you can learn it here: www.thetappingsolution.com/how-to-tap.php )
Starting on the karate chop point:
Karate Chop: Even though it’s hard to change because I want to fit in, I deeply and completely accept myself…
Karate Chop: Even though I can’t seem to make these changes stick, I deeply and completely accept myself…
Karate Chop: Even though change doesn’t feel safe, because of how it will affect others, I deeply and completely accept myself…
Eyebrow: It’s hard to change…
Side of Eye: I need to fit in…
Under Eye: What will they think of me if I change..
Under Nose: Every time I change something, I don’t get any support..
Under Mouth: This fear of change…
Collarbone: This fear of being different..
Under Arm: This fear of not fitting in…
Top of Head: I need to fit in…
Back to the eyebrow…
Eyebrow: If I change they won’t like me…
Side of Eye: If I change they won’t support me…
Under Eye: This old fear of change in my body…
Under Nose: All the times I tried to change…
Under Mouth: And it didn’t happen…
Collarbone: All this fear of being judged…
Under Arm: What if they judge me…?
Top of Head: How can I really change…?
Back to the eyebrow for positive phrases
(only go to the positive when you’ve moved the negative emotion down to a place where the positive phrases feel good)
Eyebrow: It’s safe to change…
Side of Eye: It’s safe to do what I want to do…
Under Eye: Releasing all this fear from my body…
Under Nose: Letting it go…
Under Mouth: Letting go of all the times when I tried to change and I wasn’t supported…
Collarbone: Letting them all go now…
Under Arm: It’s safe to change…
Top of Head: It’s safe for me to change…
Keep tapping, again, focusing on specifics as much as possible. Ask yourself:
What happened last time I tried to change?
How did the people around me feel about it?
Does it feel safe to change?
What’s stopping me from making the changes I want to make?
Use your answers to tap through the blocks to change.
Change doesn’t happen in a bubble…
It can’t, and that’s OK. We just need to acknowledge that and be aware of it.
Once we are, and when we do the tapping to clear the emotional blocks to change, to clear the fear, the doubt, and all the other negative emotions around changing and others’ perception of us, then, change can really STICK. 🙂
Until next time…
Keep Tapping!
Nick Ortner
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