It’s confession time…
And no, l’m not asking you to post your confession publicly, but to admit the truth to yourself.
How many people have you un-friended on Facebook, or disconnected from on other social media because of their views around this year’s election?
How many friends or family members are you still angry at for their opinions, and maybe also their votes?
Come on, it’s okay. You can admit it. 😉
Truth be told, this year’s election season has been a rough one. We’ve all been on an emotional roller coaster digesting the extreme, harsh news aired in the media day after day, week after week.
Not surprisingly, in many cases, that contentiousness has also spilled over into our personal lives.
Whether we like it or not, we all have at least one friend or family member whose views differ greatly from our own. Even more than most, this election season has brought those differences to the surface and has shone a huge, sometimes painful, spotlight on what we each view as acceptable and important.
However we feel about the election results, now that the election is over, how can we move forward? How can we regroup, regain our equilibrium, and forgive the people in our lives whose views clash with our own?
Here are some reminders to consider as we all move forward:
Anger and intolerance spread like wildfires
Throughout the election, many people felt insulted by the rhetoric and commentary in the media and in social media.
Ironically, our response is often to get angry in return.
Did you catch that? We respond to other people’s anger and intolerance with our own anger and intolerance.
When we respond to anger with anger, and intolerance with intolerance, we become part of the problem we hope to solve.
However, when we open ourselves to compassion, we become the light we seek in the world.
We can be right OR we can choose compassion and forgiveness
Deciding that our own viewpoints are “right” inherently means judging others who feel differently as “wrong.”
And it’s in that intolerance that all compassion and the acceptance of differing opinions takes a back seat.
Ultimately we have to choose to be right or to forgive, but not both.
The contrast between light & darkness gives light its power
Throughout this election, we’ve learned unpleasant truths about several candidates.
It’s been overwhelming, sure, but a lot of good has also come out of that darkness.
As a result of the accusations, misdirection, and lies that have been unearthed, people are using their voices to share truths that they otherwise might have kept to themselves.
That new awareness can help us to resolve issues that deserve our attention.
Moving forward means working together. Period.
The presidential debates were so contentious that by the final debates, the candidates wouldn’t even shake hands.
However, just 24 hours after the third presidential debate, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton attended a charity event where they reportedly had the following exchange:
Donald Trump turned to Hillary Clinton and said, “You are one tough and talented woman.”
In reply, Hillary Clinton said something like, “You know, whatever happens with the election, we will need to find a way to work together afterward.”
How do you feel when you read that?
Do you feel relieved? More hopeful? Better able to take a deep breath?
The simple fact is, forgiveness feels good!
As a country and in our own lives, the only way to move forward is by working together. We can’t demand that our bosses share our political views. We can’t demand to have neighbors who vote like we do.
If we can’t work with people who hold different views from our own, we stay stuck in the past and in our own negative emotions.
How to Overcome the True Challenge of Forgiveness
Of course, the true challenge around forgiveness goes beyond rational thinking. In order to experience true and lasting forgiveness, we first have to release our more challenging emotions.
So tell me, are you ready for some post-election stress relief?
Yep, you guessed it. It’s time to tap! ☺
Let’s do some tapping on forgiving that friend or family member (we all have at least one) whose views clash with our own.
To start, focus on the primary emotion you feel about that person’s views around this election and then rate its intensity.
For example, if you’re angry at a family member or friend who voted for a candidate you oppose, rate your anger on a scale of 0 – 10 with 10 being the angriest you can imagine feeling.
The first step in tapping is to allow yourself to feel your true emotions. Once you do that, you can release them.
…
Take three deep breaths and begin tapping on the Karate Chop (KC) point.
KC (Repeat three times): Even though I’m so angry about how <person’s name> voted in this election, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Eyebrow: This election
Side of Eye: It’s brought so much to light
Under Eye: I can’t believe s/he voted for that person!
Under Nose: I’m so angry at him/her
Under Mouth: How can s/he really support that candidate?
Collarbone: I’m so angry!
Under Arm: I can’t forgive him/her
Top of Head: I refuse to forgive him/her
Eyebrow: I’m so angry
Side of Eye: How could s/he vote for that candidate?
Under Eye: I can’t forgive him/her
Under Nose: S/he is wrong
Under Mouth: I am right!
Collarbone: And I can’t forgive him/her
Under Arm: It’s safe to feel this anger
Top of Head: All this anger
Eyebrow: Letting myself feel it now
Side of Eye: All this anger
Under Eye: I’m so disappointed in this person
Under Nose: How could s/he support that candidate?
Under Mouth: This feels personal
Collarbone: This feels like a betrayal
Under Arm: I can’t forgive this person for how s/he voted
Top of Head: It’s safe to feel this anger now
Eyebrow: And it’s safe to let it go now
Side of Eye: I can relax now
Under Eye: I’m safe feeling this anger
Under Nose: And I’m safe letting it go
Under Mouth: I don’t need this anger to protect me
Collarbone: I can release it now
Under Arm: Letting it go from every cell in my body now
Top of Head: I can choose peace
Eyebrow: I can begin to forgive
Side of Eye: I can accept that we disagree
Under Eye: And release this anger from my body
Under Nose: It’s safe to release this anger now
Under Mouth: It’s safe to forgive him/her now
Collarbone: I can feel peace in my body
Under Arm: And forgiveness in my heart
Top of Head: Feeling at peace now
…
Take a deep breath and notice how your primary emotion has shifted. Rate its intensity again on a scale of 0 – 10. Keep tapping until you get the desired relief.
Until next time…
Keep Tapping!
Nick Ortner
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